BB1231 : There's No Plaice For Us

There are always constraints when planning a BOOTboys walk but this one had more than usual.

Tony wanted something gentle as he was recovering from a surfeit of Glasgow  Or maybe I got that the wrong way round and Glasgow had had a surfeit of Tony. Or may be it was just mislocated. (see Tony's Weekend Celebrations, later).

John Hn was celebrating his birthday and offering to buy drinks all round.  He was hoping his birthday present would be another visit to the Langdales.

I had restrictions on start timing thanks to visits from our big-stuff gardener and the electricity cabling people

But the most interesting constraint (apart from the free drinks) was that John Hy wanted to bring his dog, Bracken, for a "Flat Fish" walk which is a concept totally new to us.

He described the flat fish as an amazing creature that can climb great heights and flip along at a considerable rate of knots!  

And there was me thinking he had made a typo and had wanted a flattish walk as he had not done much lately.

In Abraham Lincoln mode, realising you can't please all the people all the time, I had to make an executive decision.

I plumped for an old standby that, on checking the records, none of the participants had previously visited on a BB outing: Farleton Knott and Hutton Roof.  The advantage of this being a start and celebratory finish at the Plough at Lupton (the Smithy Inn at Holme losing valuable custom due to it not opening until 5 p.m.).

Lupton Beck ford

Not surprisingly after the voluminous amount of recent rain, the ground was extraordinarily damp but we were heading for limestone country so problems of that nature ought to be minimised.  

First, however, we had to cross Lupton Beck where the ford was totally awash.

Fortunately, these days, there is a sturdy footbridge tucked around the corner that presented no problems.

After passing a man collecting hazel nuts, we zig zagged up the Knott.

Bracken (the dog) thought it would be Christmas if she could only be let off the lead to chase the myriad of pheasants.

On reaching the top cairn, we had the obligatory Comitibus photo then explored the area to obtain best advantage of the panoramic view ranging from Morecambe Bay to the full spread of the Lake District.

Comitibus :  Farleton Knott

Limestone pavement

Farleton Knott panorama

Farleton Knott cliff

We opted not to visit the other part of the top, above the limestone cliff.  Instead we took the direct route to the minor road, on the other side of which lay Hutton Roof Crags.

Somewhere.  Hmm.  Why does that remind me of P J Proby?

But first, it was the man-made cliffs of Burton Quarry that we could see.

Burton Quarry cliff

Next, a navigational triumph led us straight to what we first thought to be the Hutton Roof summit cairn.  However, we had a problem.

It was eight minutes too early for Tonoony to have lunch.  He consoled himself with a cup of tea until the appointed hour.

I was curious to know what would be in John Hy's lunch box. Halibutties, perhaps?

What could be seen yet again by keen eyed BOOTboys, even clearer than on BB1229, was Blackpool Tower.  

What, eight minutes too early?

The view as far as Blackpool Tower

Refuelled, we decided that a plateau a quarter of a mile away held the real top.  We bounded across the rutted limestone to achieve the goal, then tried to find a sensible way down to the east.  And the northeast.  I knew the path lay just below us but the limestone pavement was a mass of clints and deep grikes- John Hn being temporarily stuck in one.

Probably the top!

John Hn stuck in a grike

Bracken (the dog, remember?) also found the terrain challenging, not helped by the dense foliage. As a result of these difficulties, I could not find a sensible way down through the limestone cliff.

My colleagues had long lost faith in any navigational ability that they might deludedly have thought I had and were toying with phoning a friend (i.e. Bryan or Stan) or even Air Ambulance.  However, I knew I was doing the sensible thing in taking them back to the luncheon stop and retracing our way down the easy path through the crag.

Once down, it was relatively straight forward to follow the trail, passing just feet below where we had been obstructed, round to the climbing crags before dropping down into Hutton Roof village.  

The climbing crag

St John's Church

Disappointingly, St John's Church was locked, preventing us from exploring its innards. However, there were two interesting tombstones,  

One is a memorial to the Rev Theodore Bayley Hardy, VC, DSO, MC,  the most decorated non-combatant in the First World War.

The other was a flat topped tomb near the church door, We noted how well the etching of the names had been carried out then discovered that it ought to be.  The deceased was a stone mason.

Machete wanted

There were several potential return routes that we debated then decided on the most direct and, in theory, simplest route.  

This involved us passing along a bridle path that on previous visits had been perfectly alright.

This time, however, austerity measures meant that the nettles and brambles and other vegetation had received no attention and passage along became increasingly more difficult.  

We were desperately in need of a machete.

Farleton Knott

Eventually we emerged, scratched and blood stained, but from there onwards it was a simple stroll along the appropriately named Puddlemire Lane, making friends first with a horse and then a Border Terrier, to return across the still very full Lupton Beck.

Puddlemire Lane

Lupton Beck ford

Comitibus 2 :  Lupton Beck

The Plough Inn was soon reached with nary a flatfish having been spotted  Naturally, the disappointment didn't stop us celebrating John Hn's birthday with the beer and chips he generously ordered.

We wondered about the possibility adding something to satisfy t'other John's request.. Not one to flounder, he checked to see if his wish might come true. We could see he was a dab hand at reading the menu.

Would there be Pleuronectiforme Fritters?  Sole sausages?  A cheese and skate board?

But no; no flat fish of any description to be seen.  Perhaps we hadn't climbed sufficiently great heights or flipped along at a fast enough rate to see the amazing creatures.

Or perhaps the Plough simply doesn't employ a fluke cook.

Sorry, John!  

We left birthday-boy-John behind to continue celebrations whilst t'other John, despite all the ribbing, kindly took us home in his turbot-charged car

I then realised why I had been reminded of P J Proby's biggest hit, "Somewhere".

He'd got the words slightly wrong.

The first line should have been: There's No Plaice For Us,

Don, 26th September 2012


PS What a pity we didn't start from the Smithy Inn at Holme.
I could then have used the theme "There's No Plaice Like Holme"!!!


Tony's Weekend Celebrations.

From what exactly was Tony recovering?

Well, here is his lunch arriving:

And now his liquid refreshment:

No wonder he needed time to recover.  I hadn't realised before that Glasgow is a district of Munich but thanks to our German correspondent, Emma, for sussing this out.


Hey! You! Get Off My Line!

Recent reports have discussed how to get rid of unwelcome telephone calls with a bit of fun.  

See, amongst others:

All Along the Whip Crack.

Here is another variant worth trying.

Do you remember The Flying Pickets?

They were a radical lefty group of the 1980s who (and this must have really hurt them) were allegedly a favourite of Margaret Thatcher.  

To be fair, unlike the Sex Pistols and their ilk, they could actually sing and their "Best of" album makes good listening.

They do a rather different, cappella, version of the Rolling Stones' "Get Off My Cloud" and if you start at the second verse, the spoken words work rather well for this purpose.  Click on the picture to hear this in action.

Hello. Who's there on the line?
Hi, hello, how are you?
Well, I think I'm doin' fine.
It's three a.m., there's too much noise.
Don't you people ever wanna go to bed?
Just 'cause you feel so good,
You tryin' to drive me out of my head?
Hey! You! Off of my cloud!
Don't hang around, What? Two's a crowd!




Wednesday 26th September

Distance in miles:


Height climbed in feet:




Other Features:

Farleton Knott, Hutton Roof Crags


Don, John Hn, John Hy, Tony


You can follow our route in detail by downloading bb1231

If this won't work with your mapping software, let me know.

To discover which Wainwright top was visited on which BB outing see
Which Wainwright When?

For the latest totals of the mileages and heights see: BB Log.


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