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BB1231
: There's No Plaice For Us
There
are always constraints when planning a BOOTboys
walk but this one had more than usual.
Tony
wanted something gentle as he was recovering from a
surfeit of Glasgow Or maybe I got that the wrong
way round and Glasgow had had a surfeit of Tony. Or
may be it was just mislocated. (see Tony's
Weekend Celebrations,
later).
John
Hn was celebrating his birthday and offering to buy
drinks all round. He was hoping his birthday present
would be another visit to the Langdales.
I
had restrictions on start timing thanks to visits from
our big-stuff gardener and the electricity cabling people
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But
the most interesting constraint (apart from
the free drinks) was that John Hy wanted
to bring his dog, Bracken, for a "Flat
Fish" walk which is a concept totally
new to us.
He
described the flat fish as an amazing creature
that can climb great heights and flip along
at a considerable rate of knots!
And
there was me thinking he had made a typo
and had wanted a flattish walk as he had
not done much lately.
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In
Abraham Lincoln mode, realising you can't please all
the people all the time, I had to make an executive
decision.
I
plumped for an old standby that, on checking the records,
none of the participants had previously visited on a
BB outing: Farleton Knott and Hutton Roof. The
advantage of this being a start and celebratory finish at the Plough
at Lupton (the Smithy Inn at Holme losing valuable custom
due to it not opening until 5 p.m.).
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Lupton
Beck ford
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Not
surprisingly after the voluminous amount of recent rain,
the ground was extraordinarily damp but we were heading
for limestone country so problems of that nature ought
to be minimised.
First, however, we had to cross
Lupton Beck where the ford was totally awash.
Fortunately,
these days, there is a sturdy footbridge tucked around
the corner that presented no problems.
After
passing a man collecting hazel nuts, we zig zagged up
the Knott.
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Bracken (the dog) thought it would
be Christmas if she could only be let off the lead to
chase the myriad of pheasants.
On reaching the top cairn,
we had the obligatory Comitibus photo then explored
the area to obtain best advantage of the panoramic view
ranging from Morecambe Bay to the full spread of the
Lake District.
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Comitibus
: Farleton
Knott
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Limestone
pavement
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Farleton
Knott panorama
Farleton
Knott cliff
We
opted not to visit the other part of the top, above
the limestone cliff. Instead we took the direct route
to the minor road, on the other side of which lay Hutton
Roof Crags.
Somewhere.
Hmm. Why does that remind me of P J Proby?
But
first, it was the man-made cliffs of Burton Quarry that
we could see.
Burton
Quarry cliff
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Next,
a navigational triumph led us straight to
what we first thought to be the Hutton
Roof summit cairn. However, we had
a problem.
It was eight minutes too
early for Tonoony to have lunch. He consoled himself
with a cup of tea until the appointed hour.
I
was curious to know what would be in John Hy's lunch
box. Halibutties, perhaps?
What
could be seen yet again by keen eyed BOOTboys,
even clearer than on BB1229,
was Blackpool Tower.
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What,
eight minutes too early?
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The
view as far as Blackpool Tower
Refuelled,
we decided that a plateau a quarter of a mile away
held the real top. We bounded across the rutted
limestone to achieve the goal, then tried to find a sensible
way down to the east. And the northeast. I
knew the path lay just below us but the limestone pavement
was a mass of clints
and deep grikes-
John Hn being temporarily stuck in one.
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Probably
the top!
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John
Hn stuck in a grike
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Bracken
(the dog, remember?) also found the terrain challenging,
not helped by the dense foliage. As a result of these
difficulties, I could not find a sensible way down through
the limestone cliff.
My
colleagues had long lost faith in any navigational ability
that they might deludedly have thought I had and were
toying with phoning a friend (i.e. Bryan or Stan) or
even Air Ambulance. However, I knew I was doing
the sensible thing in taking them back to the luncheon
stop and retracing our way down the easy path through
the crag.
Once
down, it was relatively straight forward to follow the
trail, passing just feet below where we had been obstructed,
round to the climbing crags before dropping down
into Hutton Roof village.
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The
climbing crag
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St
John's Church
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Disappointingly, St
John's Church
was locked, preventing us from exploring its innards.
However, there were two interesting tombstones,
One
is a memorial to the Rev Theodore Bayley Hardy, VC, DSO, MC,
the most decorated non-combatant in the First World War.
The
other was a flat topped tomb near the church door, We
noted how well the etching of the names had been carried
out then discovered that it ought to be. The deceased
was a stone mason.
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Machete
wanted
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There
were several potential return routes that we debated
then decided on the most direct and, in theory, simplest
route.
This involved us passing along a bridle
path that on previous visits had been perfectly alright.
This time, however, austerity measures meant that
the nettles and brambles and other vegetation had received
no attention and passage along became increasingly more
difficult.
We were desperately in need of a machete.
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Farleton
Knott
Eventually
we emerged, scratched and blood stained, but from there
onwards it was a simple stroll along the appropriately
named Puddlemire Lane, making friends first with a horse
and then a Border Terrier, to return across the still very
full Lupton Beck.
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Puddlemire
Lane
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Lupton
Beck ford
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Comitibus 2
: Lupton
Beck
The Plough Inn was
soon reached with nary a flatfish having
been spotted
Naturally, the disappointment didn't stop us celebrating John Hn's birthday
with the beer and chips he generously ordered.
We
wondered about the possibility adding something to satisfy t'other John's request.. Not
one to flounder, he checked to see if his
wish might come true. We could see he was a dab hand
at reading the menu.
Would
there be Pleuronectiforme Fritters? Sole sausages?
A cheese and skate board?
But
no; no flat fish of any description to be seen. Perhaps we hadn't
climbed sufficiently great heights or flipped along
at a fast enough rate to see the amazing creatures.
Or perhaps the Plough simply
doesn't employ a fluke cook.
Sorry,
John!
We
left birthday-boy-John behind to continue celebrations whilst
t'other John, despite all the ribbing,
kindly took us home in his turbot-charged car
I
then realised why I had been reminded of P J Proby's biggest hit,
"Somewhere".
He'd
got the words slightly wrong.
The
first line should have been: There's
No Plaice
For Us,
Don,
26th September 2012
PS
What a pity we didn't start from the Smithy Inn at Holme.
I could then have used the theme "There's No
Plaice Like Holme"!!!
Tony's
Weekend Celebrations.
From
what exactly was Tony recovering?
Well,
here is his lunch arriving:
And
now his liquid refreshment:
No
wonder he needed time to recover. I hadn't realised
before that Glasgow is a district of Munich but thanks
to our German correspondent, Emma, for sussing this
out.
Hey!
You! Get Off My Line!
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Recent
reports have discussed how to get rid of
unwelcome telephone calls with a bit of
fun.
See,
amongst others:
All
Along the Whip Crack.
Here
is another variant worth trying.
Do
you remember The Flying Pickets?
They
were a radical lefty group of the 1980s
who (and this must have really hurt them)
were allegedly a favourite of Margaret Thatcher.
To
be fair, unlike the Sex Pistols and their
ilk, they could actually sing and their
"Best of" album makes good listening.
They
do a rather different, cappella, version
of the Rolling Stones' "Get Off My
Cloud" and if you start at the second
verse, the spoken words work rather well
for this purpose. Click on the picture
to hear this in action.
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Hello. Who's there on the line?
Hi, hello, how are you?
Well,
I think I'm doin' fine.
It's three a.m., there's too much noise.
Don't you people ever wanna go to bed?
Just 'cause you feel so good,
You tryin' to drive me out of my head?
Hey! You! Off of my cloud!
Don't hang around,
What? Two's a crowd!
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STATISTICS:
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BB1231
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Wednesday
26th September
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| Distance
in miles:
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9.1
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| Height
climbed in feet:
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1,322
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| Wainwrights:
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-
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| Other
Features:
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Farleton
Knott, Hutton Roof Crags
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| Comitibus:
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Don,
John Hn, John Hy, Tony
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To
discover which Wainwright top was visited on which BB outing
see
Which
Wainwright When?
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Wainwrights
To
see which Wainwright
top was visited on which
BB
outing see Which
Wainwright When?.
To
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have
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